Their Time is NOW

A good friend of mine dropped by the house today, a visit I surely appreciate since she went out of her way to come at such a cold and dreary weather. Naturally, being mothers to young kids, we started talking about our family lives and the challenges that we face on a daily basis. We shared about the joys of motherhood and the pains we deal with when children are sick or distressed. We also talked about our varying roles to our spouses (which I won't mention since my husband would be reading this blog :)) and we also talked about the struggle to be financially stable given that we are both single-income families. In great lengths we talked about the hesitation in going back to the workforce and having less time with our kids. She also shared her unconscious defiance over her dutch language studies because it was time she could have spent with Keith and I shared my ambivalence over applying for a preschool teaching position in an international school nearby. Not because I might not be qualified but just the thought of teaching young children while Katie and Milos are in a daycare being attended to by someone else makes me feel guilty. I had to agree with what Clarisse said "it is quite unfair that a child's strong competition is that of financial stability". But what to do? How to decide? and where should the compromise be?

Those questions were still fresh from my mind when Boris came home from work. We had our usual laid-back Fridays -not hurrying with the meals since there are no evening classes for me, and Boris busily attending to them while I get some breather. I just so love him dearly for being able to step up a notch and be in-charge of the kids when I am feeling under the weather even though he also had his full day at work. Anyway, after dinner the kids got preoccupied with writing and yes even Milos at age 15 months like scribbling very much! Our walls and sofa covers are testimony to that. There was a point I left the living room and came back only to find the three of them on the sofa. I know I should have taken a picture but the memory is fresh in my mind. Katie was on the left, Milos on the middle and both of them huddled together like they were secretly drawing a plan on how to build a space shuttle to Pluto or something else so serious. With snot coming out of his nose, babbling and all, Milos was busy writing over what Katie was writing and Ate Katie, being the "ate" (tagalog name for older sister) that she is seemed not to mind the intrusion. It was one of the rare times they were both enjoying something without pushing or tugging at each other. Boris on the other hand was just to the side of Milos making sure he wouldn't fall. Such a sight it was! At one point Katie was even chanting "we are a team!". Funny how her almost 3 year old mind can come up with lines like those... and in that moment, when I saw the two together, my eyes went teary and my mind was cleared.

The first chance I got, I shared with Boris what Clarisse and I talked about. I then told him what I realized when I saw the two busily writing together. We might not have money to spare for grand vacations, heck we don't even have money to spare for dining out in restaurants or to frequent movie houses. But we do have enough to provide for our daily needs, a roof over our heads, good food on the table, necessities for the kids, and most important of all, I have the time with the kids. Seeing Katie and Milos like that and being hit with the realization that they grow up so fast, I realized that another year can wait. That I wouldn't want to miss these times with them specially the mornings when I slowly wake up to hear Milos chanting Katie's name, Katie walking up and doing our good morning hug-squeeze-stretch ritual and then singing good morning songs in bed (This is to keep them bubbly and less whiny. I like teaching them not to be grumpy in the morning). These and a lot of other things that we do together throughout the day make it all worth it.

Before writing this entry, my mind raced to a quote I have read more than a dozen times over as a child and as an adult. This quote was placed in a glass frame with photos of my brother and me when we were very young. As a child I have always taken that quote for granted and as an adult I found it hypocritical because I knew it was my father who put that frame together or so I thought it was him. About my father and me that is an entirely different and complicated story... anyway, now as a parent myself, those lines have a deeper meaning. Remembering Gabriel Mistral's quote I knew I made the right choice.

"We are guilty of many errors and many faults but our worst crime is abandoning the children, neglecting the fountain of life.Many things we need can wait. The child cannot. Right now is the time his bones are being formed, his blood is being made and his senses being developed. To him we cannot answer "Tomorrow", his name is "Today"."

3 AM Reveries

Etymology: French rêverie, from Middle French, delirium, from resver, rever to wander, be delirious


As I am writing this, I can hear the faint snoring of my loved ones in the background. Aside from this lovely sound, there is nothing heard from outside. The stillness of the early morning engulfs me to reverie instead of singing me to sleep. What gives? Why so awake at 3 am in the morning?

My body finally succumbed to a cold. The past week it was the little ones who were snotty and sneezy and when their bouts of colds have passed I thought I got out of it unscathed. Or so I thought I did. Anyway my husband was terribly busy the past weekend helping out his father prepare for his vacation. I was left with just Milos to take care of- with me being sickly I couldn't handle the both of them together. I guess this is one of the times when I wish we were in the Philippines. Having the luxury to just relax and recuperate while being assured that the kids are taken cared of by family and extended relatives who live just within the compound. You see I belong to a very extended family. With my grandma's house situated next door to her brother's and some of the houses across the street and a little bit further on belonging to relatives. What a luxury it would be to have fresh coconut juice, a corn cob or two, a book in hand and just lounge around and be secluded for a while.

Ok, I seem to be daydreaming now. But everyone's entitled to some reverie from time to time right? I'm fortunate than most though with my in-laws living just a couple of minutes away. I know I can always count on them when I really need help with the kids or if my condition turns worst, for my mother-in-law to take them after her work and Boris picking them up after. The proximity works well for everyone. The kids love having their Baba and Deda (Serbian terms for grandma and grandpa) and my in-laws love having the time to spend with them. As for me I just love the thought that the kids are growing up being with family. I feel that the children are already at a disadvantage for not being pampered and lavished with attention by my side of the family. But that's what vacations to the Philippines are for. I feel grateful that my in-laws have such an active role in our lives.

But then sometimes that is not the case. There are days when they have other things to do. They have their own lives too and have their schedules as well. Not being able to ask them for some time with the kids coupled with not being 100% fit is a dreaded combination. This makes parenting here in NL difficult since there is no one else to help look after the kids (well not to those who can hire a babysitter or au pair of course). Like what my other mommy friends who are here or living abroad say, parenting abroad is not so easy because even when you are at your hair's end and really feeling lousy there is no time-outs or seclusion. You just have to do your role since there's no one else you can turn to. "Gewoon doen" as the dutch say.

Later Boris will go back to work after a long holiday. I dread the kids' reaction to not having him around. With how I am feeling I would need him too. But then life as a parent have its ups and its downs. Later might not be as bad as I think it would be and if it does, I'm just glad that after 9 hours of being away Boris will come and I could get some badly needed alone time and rest.

Speaking of rest I better try to catch some more zzzs.