3 AM Reveries

Etymology: French rêverie, from Middle French, delirium, from resver, rever to wander, be delirious


As I am writing this, I can hear the faint snoring of my loved ones in the background. Aside from this lovely sound, there is nothing heard from outside. The stillness of the early morning engulfs me to reverie instead of singing me to sleep. What gives? Why so awake at 3 am in the morning?

My body finally succumbed to a cold. The past week it was the little ones who were snotty and sneezy and when their bouts of colds have passed I thought I got out of it unscathed. Or so I thought I did. Anyway my husband was terribly busy the past weekend helping out his father prepare for his vacation. I was left with just Milos to take care of- with me being sickly I couldn't handle the both of them together. I guess this is one of the times when I wish we were in the Philippines. Having the luxury to just relax and recuperate while being assured that the kids are taken cared of by family and extended relatives who live just within the compound. You see I belong to a very extended family. With my grandma's house situated next door to her brother's and some of the houses across the street and a little bit further on belonging to relatives. What a luxury it would be to have fresh coconut juice, a corn cob or two, a book in hand and just lounge around and be secluded for a while.

Ok, I seem to be daydreaming now. But everyone's entitled to some reverie from time to time right? I'm fortunate than most though with my in-laws living just a couple of minutes away. I know I can always count on them when I really need help with the kids or if my condition turns worst, for my mother-in-law to take them after her work and Boris picking them up after. The proximity works well for everyone. The kids love having their Baba and Deda (Serbian terms for grandma and grandpa) and my in-laws love having the time to spend with them. As for me I just love the thought that the kids are growing up being with family. I feel that the children are already at a disadvantage for not being pampered and lavished with attention by my side of the family. But that's what vacations to the Philippines are for. I feel grateful that my in-laws have such an active role in our lives.

But then sometimes that is not the case. There are days when they have other things to do. They have their own lives too and have their schedules as well. Not being able to ask them for some time with the kids coupled with not being 100% fit is a dreaded combination. This makes parenting here in NL difficult since there is no one else to help look after the kids (well not to those who can hire a babysitter or au pair of course). Like what my other mommy friends who are here or living abroad say, parenting abroad is not so easy because even when you are at your hair's end and really feeling lousy there is no time-outs or seclusion. You just have to do your role since there's no one else you can turn to. "Gewoon doen" as the dutch say.

Later Boris will go back to work after a long holiday. I dread the kids' reaction to not having him around. With how I am feeling I would need him too. But then life as a parent have its ups and its downs. Later might not be as bad as I think it would be and if it does, I'm just glad that after 9 hours of being away Boris will come and I could get some badly needed alone time and rest.

Speaking of rest I better try to catch some more zzzs.